Choices

I've recently read a really great book, "The Slight Edge" by Greg Olson.  For those of you who don't know who Greg Olson is, he is a business man, entrepreneur, CEO, and is nicknamed the "Millionaire Maker".  "The Slight Edge" basically boiled down to this in my mind; anyone can be successful, the only difference between a successful person and one who is not, is several little things that are easy to do and easy not to do, the successful people DO the easy things.  In the first chapter of the book, Olson talks about how our attitudes are a state of mind and shape our philosophy.  So that means that people who are mad, choose to be mad, those who are sad choose to be sad and people who are happy choose to be happy.  Light bulb!  WE control ourselves.  We do!  I DO!  As I was reading this book I was feeling sad and depressed.  Right then I decided to stop being sad and be happy instead.  I decided to stop looking for the negative and instead look for the positive.  I decided to start trusting people again.  I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living the wonderful life I've been blessed with.  I  decided to come out of my fog and into the sunshine.  It was amazing.  I could breathe again.  I could see clearly.  The "sunshine" felt good.  It was a choice.

We all go through really horrible things at one point in our lives.  Its okay to feel sad and unhappy for a time, but ask yourself, is that who I want to be for the rest of my life?  Trust me, it feels a heck of a lot better to be happy than not.  Also, who wants to be around someone who is upset and sad all of the time?  I don't!   

One day, shortly after I lost my father, I had a very close girlfriend tell me that I didn't seem like myself.  She said I looked like myself and it seemed like I was trying to be myself but I wasn't.  And she was right, I wasn't my usual cheery self.  For months I wasn't "myself".  As I started to recover emotionally from my losses I found that I was trying to get my old self back.  It wasn't working.  Finally one day I got on my knees and prayed.  I asked my Heavenly Father what I needed to do to get better.  To get back to normal.  The answer was clear.  I need to pray more, read the scriptures more, share my feelings more, serve more, forgive more, and love more.  (Things that are easy To do and easy NOT to do.)  As I started to do these things, I have started to feel more like my old self but I've also learned to embarrass the fact that I'll never be the same either. 

Our experiences are constantly changing who we are and when you go through something as traumatic as losing 4 love ones in the matter of 8 months its going to change you.  Evolution is key to our survival, both physically and emotionally.  If I hadn't evolved emotionally from the time I was say 12, I'd be in a lot of trouble.  I would probably cry everyday because I wouldn't know how to handle the emotions that come with taking care of 2 young children and a husband.  I wouldn't know how to deal with things like juggling family, friends, church callings, and work.  I wouldn't know how to react to someone who puts me or my beliefs down.  The challenge is to not let the bad things that happen to us change who we want to be.  If you want to be happy, be HAPPY.  Embrace the fact that you will be changing emotionally for the rest of your life but also realize you have a choice as to who that person is fundamentally.  Do what it takes to be the person you want to be. 

I still have my good days and bad days.  Sometimes there are bad weeks.  The week leading up to Father's Day was rough for me.  When I think about my father I experience a range of emotions from sadness to regret.  I miss my dad terribly and I regret that I didn't try harder to have a better relationship with him when he was on the earth.  And when I think about the loss of my father I automatically think of everything and everyone else I've lost.  But then something will happen that will break me out of my funk and bring me back to the sunshine.  My boys will do something that reminds me how blessed I am to be their mother, my hubby and I will have a really great conversation, a friend will call or text me that they miss me, there will be a really spiritual lesson taught at church that seems as though it was meant just for me.  Sometimes it takes all of these things to bring me back.  And that's okay, as long as I come back.  I will always come back. 

My name is Suzie and I choose to be happy.