Two Years Later...

Tony, Issac, Ann, Jeremy, me, and Matt

We all have turning outs in our lives that change how we think and who we are.  My latest turning out was two years ago today.  It was a Sunday.  I woke up, went to church, came home and called my mom to wish her a happy birthday, put on my red shirt and khaki pants and went to work.  I never expected my life to be changed forever by the end of that day.  The look on my husband's face as he told me my father was died will forever be etched in my mind.  I will always be able to recall the sounds of my cries as I digested the divesting news.  This was the day I changed forever.
 

My little brother and I

I was told by many people as I grieved for my father that "time heals all wounds" or something like that.  I did not believe this in the beginning but about a year after his passing, I found there was some truth to this saying.  The wound still hurt but I could feel it closing and healing with time.  I still thought about my dad most everyday but the thoughts and memories didn't always lead to tears like they did for so long after his death.  I was starting to function more "normally" but I still was looking to be back to my normal self, the person I was before January 13, 2013.  I have since come to the realization that I will never be that same person.  And that's okay.

The girls

Do you ever read something that just sticks out so much in your mind that you feel like it was written just for you?  Last night I was reading from The Book of Mormon to my family and I read a scripture that I know my loving Heavenly Father knew I needed to read.  It is in Ether Chapter 12 verse 27.  It reads, "And if man come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I will give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I know that these words are true.  God gives us trails not to beat us down and show us how weak we are.  God gives us trails to build us up and have the opportunity to grow and become stronger.

Me with my two oldest brothers

There have been many ups and downs in the last two years.  My Savior, my Heavenly Father, my family and friends have all help lift me up and remind me that I will pull through my trails and become stronger from them.  I am so blessed that I have had my brothers and sister with me through this journey.  I could not imagine going through the loss of my dad without their help and understanding.  The six of us were together for a couple days before my dad's funeral.  There were many tears shed but we also shared many happy memories together.  We all worked together to put the funeral together and tie up our father's lose ends.  The night before his funeral, the six of us gathered in my oldest brother's freezing cold garage to go through our dad's belongings.  It was probably 20 degrees in the garage but there was such warmth and love in that cold space that it didn't seem that cold.  We spent hours looking through our dad's CDs, books, clothes, pictures, ties, etc.  His belongings told the story of dad's life.  Everything was so "him".  We each took what we wanted from his positions; things that we wanted to remember him by.  My dad had a ton of ties and we each picked one out for the men in the family who would be at the funeral.  (Jared still sometimes wears my dad's tie and I love it!)  One of the many things I took was a set of my dad's scriptures.  I will often open them up and look through and read the scriptures that he marked and read the little notes he made inside.  There are a couple pieces of paper inside that he wrote notes on.  Those are what I like to look at most.  I loved my dad's very neat and distinctive writing.  He wrote in all caps which I always thought was funny.  I learned after his death was probably from his days on the police force. I'll have to ask him when we meet again in heaven...