Motherhood

I can vividly remember the moment I knew I wanted to be a mother.  I was 10 and my sister, 12 years my senior, just gave birth to her first child.  I eagerly joined my mom on a visit to see my niece the day they came home from the hospital.  Drew Ann was this beautiful little baby with lots of brown hair and soft skin.  After my mom had her turn of holding her granddaughter, it was my turn.  I sat down on the bed next to my sister and put my arms out, a little nervously.  My mom put Drew in my arms and I pulled her close.  Within seconds my nerves disappeared and were replaced with confidence.  I was surprised at how natural it felt to hold this infant in my arms.  I remember smelling her and her holding onto my finger with her tiny hand and knowing, I want this.  I want to be a mother.  After that day whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always the same, a mother. 

My enthusiasm for motherhood waned a little after my first babysitting job.  I was 12 and at this point my sister had had her 2nd child.  I was asked to babysit for a family in our ward.  They had 3 children under the age of 5.  The youngest was only about 9 months old and a boy.  Every thing was going great till the baby needed a diaper change.  I nervously scooped up the baby and carried him into the nursery to get him a fresh diaper.  I was nervous because I had never changed a boy before.  I put the little man down on the changing table and proceeded to gather the necessary tools for completing my task.  The baby started to roll on his side.  Fearing he would roll off the changing table I kept a hand on his tummy while I finished preparing myself for the task at hand.  Finally I was ready.  As soon as I undid the soiled diaper, a steady stream of urine came up towards me.  I panicked.  I frantically looked around for something to both block the pee and mop it up at the same time.  I spotted a towel a couple feet away.  I went to grab it and when I turned back to the baby he had started to roll off the changing table.  I quickly grabbed the baby before he hit the floor but by doing so I scared the little guy.  As soon as I put him on my hip he started to pee again, all over me.  Once I settled the baby down, changed his diaper, cleaned off the urine on the changing table, floor, his clothes, and my clothes I was exhausted.  And my job wasn't done.  I had another hour to entertain the children before getting them bathed and ready for bed.  I was so relieved when the parents returned from their excursion a few hours later.  I couldn't wait to go home and sleep.  That night, as I lay in bed, I rethought my motherhood plans.  Maybe I didn't like kids as much as I thought.  I still babysat occasionally but it wasn't my favorite thing to do. 
Then I met my husband, Jared.  He was an absolute natural with kids of all ages.  This is one of the things that attracted me to him.  I knew that he was going to a great father.  Would I be a great mother?  I thought about that a lot as we courted.  We were both in college and trying to decide what we were going to do when we grew up in the next few months.  I finally decided that I wanted to go into education.  With encouragement from my husband I got a job at an elementary school as an instructional assistant in a special day class for children with mild to moderate disabilities.  I knew this job wasn't going to be easy going into it but what I didn't know was how unbelievably rewarding it would turn out to be too.  During my 4 years of service I was threatened, kicked, hit, called every name in the book, and had my hair cut, but I loved my job.  Watching my students learn and grow educationally, emotionally, and socially made it all worth it.  And little did I know that these sweet spirits were preparing me for the challenges of motherhood. You know how you meet people for the first time they ask,  "So, what do you do?".  I almost always had people say, "Wow, you must have a lot patience" when I told them I worked with special ed kids. Now as a mother of 2 very active boys I know that that patience I learned in the classroom was an absolute necessity for my job as a mother.

When I worked in special education I thought I had the most difficult yet rewarding job in the world and that's exactly what I told people.  Then I became a mother.  Boy was I wrong!  Motherhood is by far the most challenging yet rewarding job in the universe and I absolutely love it with every fiber of my being.  I'm not going to lie, there are days where I want to run away to a foreign country and not come back till the kids are 18  (I kind of feel that way right now actually as my sons are fighting for what seems like the 50th time today).

  But then they remind me why I love being their momma when they play nicely, say I love you, give me hugs and kisses, laugh, cry, sleep, watch them learn and grow, etc.  I may have the rowdiest kids around but I love them to the moon and back and more.  They fulfilled that calling I heard from above when I was just a girl to be a mother.  They made me want to be better, do better and live better.  Jacob and Andrew, you complete me.